Saturday, 20 June 2015

Do you ever feel scared of everything???

I have started feeling really frightened of everything. I used to be a really good driver, now I am scared to get behind the wheel. I was never scared of being out after dark but as soon as the sun goes down I am indoors with all doors locked... I feel scared of my own thoughts and where they take me....and those I cannot get away from. Is this mental illness? I feel uneasy when the phone rings, or the door is knocked.. I am getting ridiculous!!

The thought of growing old by myself is scaring me, not the thought of being on my own, that's a choice I have made, but the thought of not having anyone, even though I don't and won't have another relationship frightens me.....

I know the past few years have been horrible and traumatic to say the least, but I then think to myself that other people have had it just as bad or worse and they are not falling apart! I used to think I was a strong person, now I am not so sure.....

I feel shame that I am reacting like this and have been for so long, I feel that I must keep a front up so that I seem like I am hurt but not damaged by the things that have happened.....am I being fair to myself?....I don't know......